To Be Or Not To Be Boring: That is the Question

Recently, I have been communicating with many of the members of the CHS Class of 1963 in regard to a new blog project that I am working on. The project is called “Celebrating the Journey: The Power of Love” or it could also be called “Secrets for a Lasting Marriage.” The response has been great, and just for the record, if you haven’t heard from me, you will! Every couple that I have contacted so far has been asked to complete a questionnaire by responding to questions regarding their marriage, most of which are approaching the 30th to 40th or more anniversaries. I have had to smile several times because one of the first responses that I have had is something to the effect that while they as a couple will be happy to participate, they can’t imagine what they can contribute that would be of interest because as they describe themselves, “we are the most boring people you can imagine!” Now, I have to smile, because that is the way I often describe myself and Jim. Naturally, being the curious person that I am, I began to think about “boringness.” Why do so many of us think of ourselves as boring? What makes a person boring” Is it bad to be “boring?” Does one have to be a “party animal” to not be boring?” “Is boring the same to each person?” Who determines the standards for boringness?” The questions are endless.

In a past comment to one of the posts that Jennifer published, I told Jennifer that I was certain that her marriage to Yahn is never boring. She assured me that when they married she promised him that he would never be bored and she has indeed kept that promise. I know that Jennifer could say this much better than I, but from our conversations over the past year, I have observed a true joie de vivre (love or joy of life) that emanates from the two of them when they speak of their travels, share the books they are reading, describe the restaurants and good food they have discovered, when they speak passionately about the beliefs and causes that they care about, and when they speak about each other. They have many friends that they enjoy, and in the past both enjoyed interesting careers. Could the secret of their “non-boringness” be the result of making it a priority to savor life to the fullest in mind, body, and soul?

What about the rest of us? Is it possible that some of us have failed to recognize and nurture the things in our life that could contribute to our own personal joie de vivre or love of life? Though I often think of myself as boring to other people, I find that I am never or rarely ever bored. How can that be? I find great pleasure in reading so as long as I have my books I can pass time in total contentment no matter what else might be going on around me. I love being at home. I experience contentment when I am surrounded by my things, my yard, and my kitties, and I love it when Jim is there, too. I enjoy working on the computer, the blog, and other technology related projects. I love learning new things. I have friends to lunch with, family to be with, and my church where I find peace, but spending time alone is also necessary to my sense of well-being. I have no doubt that there are many who would find my life style choices to be boring, while I view it as a good thing.

Jim on the other hand is drawn to activities that take him outside our home. He loves spending time at the golf course sometimes with friends, but often alone. When he was coaching, he spent most of his time in the gym, and when he wasn’t on the court, he loved spending time in his office. In other words, he, too, is drawn to a place where he can spend time alone working on the things he loves—golf and basketball. When he is at home, he enjoys sitting in his chair reading and working on his current interests, and I think he likes it when he sees me there, too. Spending time with family, going to church, and working in our yard are other priorities with him. However, he, unlike me, has to retreat to activities that take him away from home—no spending all day at home or watching television. He does not view himself as boring at all and neither do I.

The question in terms of being boring is how we rate as a couple. Perhaps because we are both contented with whom we are as individuals, it is not so important to dwell too much on how we are perceived by others. We enjoy our time together, and we do have many common interests; we are both open to learning new things; neither of us is a couch potato; we both enjoy activities apart as well as together; we are committed to our relationship, and we can still make each other laugh. In our own quiet way, I believe that we too savor a true zest for life through the priorities that we have established--- we share a true love of our family, our home, our God and our church, and for one another.

Maybe we only become boring when we think of ourselves as boring because we compare ourselves to the expectations and lifestyles of others and let other people set the standard for boring. When we immerse ourselves in the activities we love, surround ourselves with people we love, remain open to what life brings, maintain a sense of fun, and make no apologies for who we are (not boring at all) then maybe we, too, can bask in the warmth of having the much desired joie de vivre. The questions about “boringness” will no longer matter!

In my final observation, I find myself turning to the three furry felines that share our home. We love all of them and each is blessed with a unique personality.
Bandit is a whiner and is very needy. He can’t stay out of the kitchen where he constantly begs for food. He is never satisfied.

(Bandie hides under the table waiting for a chance to escape into the house for food.)

Coalie is very sweet, very quiet, and a total couch potato—sleeping the day away. He only moves from comfy spot to comfy spot inside and outside. He has
little interest in anything else.

((Coalie rests on the bench until it is nap time.)


Both of these kitties in their defense are getting old and their lives have been disrupted by Chloe, the new
kitty
in the house,

Chloe is only two. She is full of life. She is constantly on the move and has a total fascination with learning new things and investigates every object inside and outside. She delights us with her curiosity and zest for life. Chloe is also extremely fascinated with the humans in the house-watching every thing we do, listening to us, and never failing to make us feel special in her life by purring, snuggling, and seeking us out for attention. In return we find her delightful company because she brings to us a total sense of fun and love of life that is a joy to experience. I know that if I give it a little thought, there is a valuable lesson to be learned here when I think in terms of relationships and boringness.


(Chloe Keeps watch on the yard to protect it from intruders like birds and other cats.)



Now, if only I can get Jim to learn to use a computer, and if only he can finally teach me to play golf!! Let the fun begin.