Long Year's Journey to Reunion ... Regrets (I've Had a Few) ... and 千里之行，始于足下 ...

Prom memories (from the movie Carrie, reproduced here citing "fair use" provisions of U.S. copyright law)

... or as my old friend Laozi said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (to borrow a title which I liked from the original Las Vegas reunion blog). Actually, a more correct translation from the original Chinese would be "The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet." Unfortunately, my Chinese is not sufficient to add (in brush-stroked characters) that any journey actually begins with the desire to embark upon it.... What comes after that goes under the heading of "means to end"....

[Sidebar: There are some who credit the "journey of a thousand miles" quote to Laozi's contemporary Confucius; however, my research seems to point indeed toward Laozi, a/k/a Lao Tzu, the "Old Master" instrumental in the establishment of, and revered by, the Taoist religion. But I digress....]

In two weeks a number (literally) of the Class of 1963 will gather again in Childress for its 45th reunion. At last headcount, there were approximately 20-25 of our classmates (our actual classmates ... not counting spouses and/or significant others who will accompany them) who indicated that either they will be there or might be there ... a little exercise in legal terminology illustrating (if you think about it) why it is so important to be cognizant of (and precise in) the meanings of the words you use ... and in your interpretation of words directed to or concerning you. Interestingly, the number of those who say they will or may attend is about the same as the number of those who were committed (to one degree or another) to attending the reunion if it had been held in Las Vegas, as it was originally conceived.

Nicki and I have been disappointed that even though we moved the reunion to Childress, partially in hopes that it would result in a larger turnout, the number remains essentially unchanged. There are some names common to both sign-up lists ... although some few have indicated that while they would attend a reunion in either Las Vegas or Childress, they would not travel to the other place for whatever reason. Some have said that the weekend of October 17-19 (as originally planned) would have been fine ... but there is some problem with the weekend of October 3-5 (designated by the Childress All-School Reunion Committee). Nicki and I have talked on more than one occasion about how little response we have had from those who actually live in Childress, or within a few miles thereof. So, truly immutable or unforeseen circumstances notwithstanding (and there are always some) ... the bottom line is that for the most part, those who want to be there will have found a way to manage it ... and those who don't, won't.



Laozi leaves China on his water buffalo.

Most of those who've said they are not coming have indicated some other pressing engagement. Some are apparently afraid they may be confronted with an idea or ideology with which they don't agree. And some have also said that they don't want to come because they don't much care to revisit those high school days when we all were so young, and insecure, and needy and/or desirous of approval and acceptance (even some of those we considered the popular cool people who comprised the top of the social food chain) ... or who feel they may be ignored and left to sit by themselves at a table in K-Bob's or the Elks Club. It is worth noting a bit of wisdom expressed by Bertrand Russell, who sagaciously wrote: Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd. Sad to think that some still feel that fear 45 years later on the long road out of Childress (with a nod to the Eagles).

I've written previously on the blog that not all my memories from high school are happy ones. And yet, over the nearly half-century since May 1963, as I've learned and grown and pondered and embraced my still-evolving spiritual beliefs, learned to listen to the vibrations and the resonances, I have found great benefit (and balm) in being able to put the bad things into perspective ... to acknowledge the immaturity and the sometimes mindless, contagious wolf-pack cruelty common to those adolescent years ... to come to grips with the fact that some of my own actions were causal catalysts ... to understand the unthinking, uncaring and occasionally vicious attitudes of some, and to apprehend that some went along not because of meanness or indifference on their parts, but because they themselves were afraid to go against the herd ... to recognize and regret those instances when I was less than charitable to another wandering, groping soul ... and to forgive not only those people who hurt me, through acts of commission or omission, but also to forgive myself for all the things I did wrong.

I have learned that sometimes bad things happen to us for necessary reasons ... that even if the events are painful, they are meant to (and do, if we are wise) teach us life lessons that we must learn before we can successfully traverse the terra incognita between the lives ... that we must transcend before we can ascend. Understanding and forgiveness are among the most important of life's lessons, I believe ... and I don't think one can achieve forgiveness (of oneself or of others) until one has become a frequent flier (with reward miles!) in the realms of understanding and regret and empathy.

Since I got over myself ... stopped nursing old hurts both real and imaginary, or sometimes just inflated by the hot air of adolescent angst ... refused the mantle of the victim ... started contemplating and comprehending that some of those who hurt me may have done so because they in fact were in mortal pain from their own demons ... I have found a "new" world of fond memories ... memories to be cherished and cultivated ... memories to drive away the dark nights and the dark hours and the dark thoughts and strip the curtains from the metaphoric windows of the mind to allow the light to nourish and quicken the dormant soil and quiescent flowers of my soul.

On occasion I have been tempted to regret that I did not reach this "enlightenment" sooner, that I let so much time elapse ... but then I know, with a complete, deep certainty ... that I learned (and am still learning) this life's lessons when I was supposed to ... that subject to my own choices and the choices of others, things happened as they were supposed to happen, as they had to happen ... that I was incapable of absorbing the lessons before I did and could not have learned many of them without the accompanying pain ... and that rather than regret not learning sooner, I should rejoice that I learned at all ... that it was not too late when knowledge came, too far along in this existence to become applicable. I have been blessed by that knowledge ... and by the new "old" friends I have found, and the old "old" friends I have rediscovered ... and I still anticipate reunion with those with whom I may yet "reconnect".


A Taijitu, the main symbol of the Taoist spirituality.

I don't know whether you were the teacher's pet or the class goat ... the homecoming queen or the prom king ... maybe one of those like Janis Ian, who "learned the truth" At Seventeen and "knew the pain of Valentines that never came" ... wore a letter sweater (your own or one bestowed by your boyfriend for affection and/or services rendered) or envied those who did ... made good grades or barely squeaked by (perhaps because they didn't know much about dyslexia and other learning disabilities then) ... were "good" or "bad" (as defined by the times) or more likely "confused" and just desperate to fit in ... a "nice" guy or a James Dean wannabe. High school marked a significant rite of passage in all our lives ... and we each are deserving (and in need sometimes) of a congratulatory and/or accepting hug, an elevation of spirit generated by a bright welcoming smile, the quiet benediction inherent in the knowledge that we successfully ran that gauntlet of taunts and insults and uncertainty ... and we survived to tell the tale! We survived ... mostly better, and wiser I think (I fervently hope) for the experience.

We're not in high school any more, people. We've all traveled different life paths, with diverse experiences, to become the people we are today. While it is likely that most of us have retained some of the "core" essentials of those adolescents we were at CHS, I firmly believe that our life lessons have honed and burnished our present personalities, our souls if you will, like a skilled diamond cutter ... although unfortunately, in a few instances, it must be acknowledged that the master jeweler apparently struck the stone poorly and left it fractured, shattered ... bereft of light and knowledge and radiant enlightenment. In fairness to the master jeweler, it should also be noted that some stones themselves may have harbored deep, hidden flaws rendering them incapable of being polished or refined. Those unfortunates, I fear, will have many more journeys, much longer than a thousand miles...

A reunion can be and should be a celebration of all our life journeys and the sometimes quite divergent roads that we chose ... as well as a joyous commemoration and remembrance of birthday parties and Birthday Clubs and Friday Night Lights and Saturday nights dragging the highway, or date nights at the old Palace Theater ... a shared commonality of feeling and circumstance, and a sharing of all the singularly unique experiences which we bring to reconnection ... an ephemeral eulogy to our former selves and times, and an encomium and festive appreciation for all we have lived through, and learned through, to reach the caravanserai where we choose to pause temporarily to rest and refresh for our further travels.




The Three Pure Ones

A reunion is not a place to take offense over small, petty, long-ago or even contemporary disagreements, or perceived (possibly erroneously perceived) slights ... or to belligerently insist that everyone march to the beat of one particular drummer (or another). If we have grown and are wise, we will have learned that everyone does not have to look like us, or think like us, or believe like us, or act like us ... that we all traverse this world, this life, all our many lives, as we should, as we are supposed to, so that we may all reach the state of understanding and grace required to move on to our next existence ... and that those who are dogmatic, and dictatorial and seek to bend others to their will and mindset ... even these will eventually arrive at satori ... but it just may take a while.... (grin) And in the meantime, the rest of us can practice understanding, empathy, acceptance, sympathy and certainly pity for the difficult journeys these people will have ... because they've got a lot of livin' (and lives!) to do.... (Cheshire grin)

All of that having been said ... and here I am reminded of the Rolling Stones singing "You can't always get what you want" ... it is with regret that I must write that I will not be able to attend the reunion in Childress. Sometimes, despite the best laid plans and great desire, the universe has other things in store for us. In my case, Yahn's doctor has told him that because of some health problems he has had recently, she doesn't believe he should make the trip ... and I cannot, should not and will not leave him home alone. I had been looking forward to seeing many of you ... but I must remember that I have been blessed to come together with many of you over the past year (and years), and that with joss (luck), there will be more such opportunities in the future.

I have tried my best to think of some reasonable scenario which would allow me to get away for a couple of days ... and Yahn himself has encouraged me to attend the reunion ... but in the end, it comes down to the fact that he does not need to be left alone right now ... and so my decision is made, and clear. Of course there is disappointment ... but also the certainty that I am doing what I should be doing at this time, in this season.

So, on Friday evening, October 3, I will lift a glass in salute to the CHS Class of 1963 ... to all of those who attend the reunion, and all who don't, and all who are no longer able to attend ... and I will smile at the good memories. And that slight disturbance in the air around you will be my whispered wishes to all of you that you may have the very best of everything in this "autumn" of our lives, and in the future ... as I recall Mark Twain's words that "Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow." L'chaim!

)O(