Managing the Seasons of Life

We tend to measure our lives by time. We never have enough of it. We often run out of it. Sometimes we even feel that we have too much of it, and yet we always want more of it. We look for ways to manage our time and all too often we waste an awful lot of it. We strive to make the most of it; we even talk about it. We have even managed to compartmentalize time by fitting it in to minutes, hours, days, months, years, and even seasons.

Many of us have or have had jobs that tend to manage our time. As long as I was in education or the school setting (which was my whole life from the age of 5 years old to retirement), my time was regulated by the ringing of bells, lesson plans for class time, and the demands of other people such as administrators or teachers. There was always something satisfying about ending a semester or a year and knowing that that year was over, and a whole new one would soon begin. Then I had the summer to compress as much as I could into the time I had to get all my “home work” done. The house had to be cleaned in the month of June; July was more relaxed and in August I spent getting ready to go back to work.

When I retired, I found myself fighting an ongoing battle with time management. There were no more ringing bells. I have always had a strong work ethic both in work and at home. I knew my work responsibilities and my home responsibilities and I worked to “stay on track and do it all.” Retirement happened and suddenly, I was faced with hours of unstructured time and no idea how to manage them. While I had always imagined my retirement time relaxing, reading, and doing just what I wanted, the reality was that I was not programmed or deprogrammed enough to exist in that type of environment. If at the end of the day, I couldn’t look back and say that I had accomplished something or done something worthwhile, I was filled with anxiety. At the same time, I was not ready to enter the world of volunteerism. As a result of the anxiety I often failed to do anything at all and then I felt guilty. In other words, I wasn’t having much fun. Topping it off were the words and advice of people who had retired before I did, informing me that I would LOVE retirement. I was a little angry that it didn’t happen for me.

Over a period of time, I have finally begun to recognize that there is a bigger picture of our lives. I have learned that humans move from season to season just as nature does. However, we don’t have just four seasons; it is possible to experience many seasons of life depending on the path that a person takes. I don’t think that we are just young, middle aged, or old. I think that our seasons are determined by how our lives are defined at certain points. For example when we are young we could experience a season of learning in school settings. Our responsibility might be to attend school, learn all we can and at that time we began to develop the character and ethics of early adult hood.

Later we might have a season of establishing a family through marriage and children. There could be a season of being in the work place; a season for dealing with an extreme illness; a season for leaving the work place, a season for caring for aging parents and so on. Some of these seasons could even overlap and happen more than once. Of course some seasons of life are expected to occur in the young, the middle aged, or the old.

I believe that for us to live satisfying, productive, and happy lives it is really important to be able to recognize the season in which we exist and take steps to manage our lives in that season rather than allowing time to manage us. I know that Jim and I are in the season of “retirement.” Even as I say that, for lack of a better word, there is a line of thought that retirement is an artificial season because retirement in the strictest sense doesn’t or shouldn’t really happen. It is important at this time of life or in any season that we ask ourselves, “what do we still have to learn,” “how can we continue to be of service to society, our neighbors, our community, or our world. It is only as we look beyond ourselves that we find true contentment and happiness at any age.

It is just as important in managing the seasons of our lives to recognize that in order to take charge of managing the season rather than to fall victim to energy sapping activities that leave us no time for other important things, that we learn when to say “no” and when to say “yes.” Too often people become victimized because the word “no” is not in their vocabularies. Two simple questions can make a huge difference in taking control of managing a season of life. I had never encountered this amazing tool to help in decision making and I find the simplicity and straightforward common sense to be remarkable.

Question one is simply: “When you say “yes” what are you saying “no” to?”

Question two is simply: “When you say “no” what are you saying “yes” to?”


Both questions have ramifications that could impact the quality of your life so plan thoughtfully and carefully.

In a previous post on our blog ( Transitions: The Autumn of Our Lives) I explored the issue that aging is transitioning symbolically from one season to another and that at our age we are in the autumn of our lives. As it happens autumn is my favorite season and somehow to think of myself as being in the autumn (season) of my life is rather lovely. The world is beautiful with bright colors, crisp cool air, and an overwhelming feeling of all is right with world. Everything begins to wind down from the hustle and bustle of summer, and it is so nice to be able to find comfort in a sweater or a fire in the fireplace. It isn’t so cold that it is uncomfortable, but just right. That is the way I feel in my autumnal life. Life is “just right” and still satisfying, productive and even fun.

To manage and continue to enjoy this lovely season I try to follow certain guidelines:

I continue to ask what is expected of me in this season.

I continue to learn and to be active in service to my community through my church and
other activities.

I continue to plan according to my energy level. ( Not as young as I once was!)

I try to stay in touch with the rhythms of life and take time to relax and take care of myself through diet and exercise,


I ask the “yes” “no” questions before adding or deleting responsibilities or activities to my life.


By following these guidelines, I am relieved of guilt and a lot of anxiety because I can still be productive and useful within the parameters of life season. I can still relax and have fun without anxiety. I can even take time to sit under my trees with a good book and the cats snuggled nearby.

However, I still have one nagging question that tells me I still have work to do. The question is:


“How did we ever have TIME to work?”

At least I no longer feel the need to listen for the bell!

To Be Or Not To Be Boring: That is the Question

Recently, I have been communicating with many of the members of the CHS Class of 1963 in regard to a new blog project that I am working on. The project is called “Celebrating the Journey: The Power of Love” or it could also be called “Secrets for a Lasting Marriage.” The response has been great, and just for the record, if you haven’t heard from me, you will! Every couple that I have contacted so far has been asked to complete a questionnaire by responding to questions regarding their marriage, most of which are approaching the 30th to 40th or more anniversaries. I have had to smile several times because one of the first responses that I have had is something to the effect that while they as a couple will be happy to participate, they can’t imagine what they can contribute that would be of interest because as they describe themselves, “we are the most boring people you can imagine!” Now, I have to smile, because that is the way I often describe myself and Jim. Naturally, being the curious person that I am, I began to think about “boringness.” Why do so many of us think of ourselves as boring? What makes a person boring” Is it bad to be “boring?” Does one have to be a “party animal” to not be boring?” “Is boring the same to each person?” Who determines the standards for boringness?” The questions are endless.

In a past comment to one of the posts that Jennifer published, I told Jennifer that I was certain that her marriage to Yahn is never boring. She assured me that when they married she promised him that he would never be bored and she has indeed kept that promise. I know that Jennifer could say this much better than I, but from our conversations over the past year, I have observed a true joie de vivre (love or joy of life) that emanates from the two of them when they speak of their travels, share the books they are reading, describe the restaurants and good food they have discovered, when they speak passionately about the beliefs and causes that they care about, and when they speak about each other. They have many friends that they enjoy, and in the past both enjoyed interesting careers. Could the secret of their “non-boringness” be the result of making it a priority to savor life to the fullest in mind, body, and soul?

What about the rest of us? Is it possible that some of us have failed to recognize and nurture the things in our life that could contribute to our own personal joie de vivre or love of life? Though I often think of myself as boring to other people, I find that I am never or rarely ever bored. How can that be? I find great pleasure in reading so as long as I have my books I can pass time in total contentment no matter what else might be going on around me. I love being at home. I experience contentment when I am surrounded by my things, my yard, and my kitties, and I love it when Jim is there, too. I enjoy working on the computer, the blog, and other technology related projects. I love learning new things. I have friends to lunch with, family to be with, and my church where I find peace, but spending time alone is also necessary to my sense of well-being. I have no doubt that there are many who would find my life style choices to be boring, while I view it as a good thing.

Jim on the other hand is drawn to activities that take him outside our home. He loves spending time at the golf course sometimes with friends, but often alone. When he was coaching, he spent most of his time in the gym, and when he wasn’t on the court, he loved spending time in his office. In other words, he, too, is drawn to a place where he can spend time alone working on the things he loves—golf and basketball. When he is at home, he enjoys sitting in his chair reading and working on his current interests, and I think he likes it when he sees me there, too. Spending time with family, going to church, and working in our yard are other priorities with him. However, he, unlike me, has to retreat to activities that take him away from home—no spending all day at home or watching television. He does not view himself as boring at all and neither do I.

The question in terms of being boring is how we rate as a couple. Perhaps because we are both contented with whom we are as individuals, it is not so important to dwell too much on how we are perceived by others. We enjoy our time together, and we do have many common interests; we are both open to learning new things; neither of us is a couch potato; we both enjoy activities apart as well as together; we are committed to our relationship, and we can still make each other laugh. In our own quiet way, I believe that we too savor a true zest for life through the priorities that we have established--- we share a true love of our family, our home, our God and our church, and for one another.

Maybe we only become boring when we think of ourselves as boring because we compare ourselves to the expectations and lifestyles of others and let other people set the standard for boring. When we immerse ourselves in the activities we love, surround ourselves with people we love, remain open to what life brings, maintain a sense of fun, and make no apologies for who we are (not boring at all) then maybe we, too, can bask in the warmth of having the much desired joie de vivre. The questions about “boringness” will no longer matter!

In my final observation, I find myself turning to the three furry felines that share our home. We love all of them and each is blessed with a unique personality.
Bandit is a whiner and is very needy. He can’t stay out of the kitchen where he constantly begs for food. He is never satisfied.

(Bandie hides under the table waiting for a chance to escape into the house for food.)

Coalie is very sweet, very quiet, and a total couch potato—sleeping the day away. He only moves from comfy spot to comfy spot inside and outside. He has
little interest in anything else.

((Coalie rests on the bench until it is nap time.)


Both of these kitties in their defense are getting old and their lives have been disrupted by Chloe, the new
kitty
in the house,

Chloe is only two. She is full of life. She is constantly on the move and has a total fascination with learning new things and investigates every object inside and outside. She delights us with her curiosity and zest for life. Chloe is also extremely fascinated with the humans in the house-watching every thing we do, listening to us, and never failing to make us feel special in her life by purring, snuggling, and seeking us out for attention. In return we find her delightful company because she brings to us a total sense of fun and love of life that is a joy to experience. I know that if I give it a little thought, there is a valuable lesson to be learned here when I think in terms of relationships and boringness.


(Chloe Keeps watch on the yard to protect it from intruders like birds and other cats.)



Now, if only I can get Jim to learn to use a computer, and if only he can finally teach me to play golf!! Let the fun begin.

Collectively Drifting

From time to time we have all been subjected to viewing or hearing about an incident in which someone has been injured or attacked while by-standers look the other way and ignore the incident, refusing to offer assistance to the injured person. Recently, an incident occurred where an older man crossing a busy city street was struck by an automobile. While he lay dying in the street, passersby on the sidewalk and in the street failed to offer aid or even call 911 until several minutes had passed, apparently afraid that they were being “punked”. Unfortunately this has not been an isolated incident and we continue to hear more stories similar to this. Of course, the person in the car which struck the man did not stop either. At the time the story was in the news someone commented that we as a society have lost our “moral compass.” Interestingly enough, when I Googled “moral compass”, I found that there are any number of quizzes online ready for anyone who wishes to test his/her moral compass. Also, interestingly enough, I found that many of the Google hits combined “moral compass” with politics, advertising, or sex, but for now those are other stories.

It would seem that most of us equate moral compass with a code of ethics, values, beliefs or faith which we use to formulate a code of conduct for ourselves and our expectations for the behavior of other people. When this code of conduct is violated there is an immediate reaction of feeling very uncomfortable and inevitably, there is a need to rectify any actions that have been taken by correcting our behavior and/or apologizing. When we find ourselves accepting the behavior of someone who breaks our personal codes, we have to wonder if we are losing our moral compass while at the same time we become fearful that we are being “judgmental” or “intolerant” which once again leads back to our code of conduct or moral compass for ourselves and expectations for others and society as a whole. Now if this sounds confusing, I expect that many of us struggle with accepting a world in which there seem to be fewer and fewer guidelines for what is considered “acceptable” values and “rules” for behavior. It is easy to remember a time when good manners and concern for others was the norm rather than rude behavior and lack of caring for fellow humans. It is easy to remember when violence and blatant sexual behavior was forbidden on television, the movies and in public. It is easy to yearn for the “good old days” when life was much simpler and almost everyone shared a common code of behavior.

Today the norm for one’s life or behavior would seem to somewhat emulate the behavior of an ostrich hiding its head in the sand so it can’t see or be seen. Some would say that we as individuals and as a society have become too complacent and apathetic about what we do or what we see. It is just so much easier to ignore the present and look to a less painful or stressful time in our lives –the past. This phenomenon is referred to as a “collective drift” and it can occur when focus becomes rooted in the past of what used to be. We become lost in our memories and in reflecting on our memories until the past over shadows and outweighs the present and the future. We began to drift away from the reference point or anchors that constitute our core values that make us who we are. Taking it a step further the term is loosely defined as “when our memories of what used to be, exceed and outweigh our dreams, the end is near.”

A collective drift can occur in any setting-the work place, a family, a church, as well as the greater society. The collective drift is likely to occur during a time when we are lost in our memories and are so focused on “the good old days” that phrases such as “that’s not the way we used to do it”, “life was much simpler back then”, and “in my day”, constantly occupy our speech and thoughts until we give up and retreat from the present and any dreams for the future.

Behaviors attributed to someone on the verge of a collective drift could include: skipping events that they once valued for trivial reasons such as “Everyone else plays golf on Sunday morning so I can too” or "Working out is no fun."until the habit is lost and attendance is no longer important or “It’s too much trouble to learn to do this so I am just going to do it the old way” until a new method for teaching or working is abandoned one person at a time; “No one else takes 'green bags' to the grocery story so I'm not going to either"; "It is too inconvenient”; “It is a waste of time to recycle so I’m just forgetting about it"; Once again a retreat to the past is preferable to dreams for a better future.

Additionally, when negative thinking becomes a habit, a collective drift might be close at hand especially when the negativity spreads from person to person. Examples of “stinking thinking” that result in poor attitudes include:

"This is too much trouble."
"What’s the use!"
"It doesn’t really matter anyway."
"I am just one person and I can’t do it all."
"Let someone else do it."
"That’s not my problem."
And, of course, “ I really don’t want to get involved.”

Any of these statements, attitudes or actions often lead to collective drift away from some established core value or reference point—one person at a time. Basically individuals have stopped sharing, have stopped dreaming and have begun to focus on what “I need” rather than what “others need”. The person involved has lost heart and has forgotten the possibilities and visions for the future that were once held.

It seems to be especially easy for those of us in a certain age group, to find ourselves on the verge of a collective drift so we have to be especially vigilant to keep our memories in the proper perspective. Memories are important and necessary for everyone, but we have to remember not to live in the past or to get lost in our memories. Even at our age, our focus belongs on the present and the future. Our memories only serve us well as we continue to dream.

So much of our desire for a wonderful present and future depends on factors such as cultivating an attitude of being grateful and counting our blessings; seeking out like minded people who promote health and happiness rather than discontent and negative attitudes, continuing an attitude of service to others rather than an attitude of what can others do for me; continuing to use our gifts in positive ways of service and for personal happiness; maintaining an attitude of encouragement to others and by reminding ourselves and others about what is important, and by looking forward to tomorrow and the future and continuing to dream.

Sometimes it is necessary to get creative about dreaming and maintaining a hold on the present. We are never too old to have fun, to learn new things, to make new friends, to contact old friends, to love, to become a part of something, or to forget what is important to us.

Never stop dreaming!


note: The term "collective drift" comes from a sermon by Pastor Tommy Politz at Hillside Christian Church in Amarillo, TX.

A Taste of Summer

I was absolutely stunned when I realized that June had arrived. I mean really, in my mind we still have not closed May so how can it be June? Perhaps it all has to do with the fact that we did not have those April or May showers so the flowers are already looking sad and tired. Of course the fact that we have “enjoyed” three days of temperatures of over 100 degrees accompanied by searing hot winds and dirt could have something to do with it. I believe that it was 108 in Childress yesterday.

Both of our grandsons are out of school now and they are looking forward to a wonderful summer. Jordie and Jim have hit the golf course despite the weather, and Cole has just returned from a trip to Orlando where he enjoyed the hotel’s lazy river and trips to Disney World. Next week he is off to Cancun with his parents. When he is home, he has a great pool in the backyard. Jordie is still playing baseball and Cole is going to experience his first time in track. Despite all of this activity both boys are prone to becoming “bored” very easily when not engaged in something that they enjoy so we plan swimming trips, science camps and other activities designed to keep them entertained.

Cole's pizza shaped veggie and herb garden

I think back to my summers when I was in school and I remember so may lazy times spent reading while lying on my bed with the windows open and a cool breeze blowing through, and though I am sure on occasion my brothers and I were bored, we dared not express that feeling or we might find ourselves in the field chopping weeds in the cotton. Keeping us entertained had a far different connotation then!

When we were younger and still living on the farm in Muleshoe, I can still remember our Dad coming in from the fields at noon and dropping a watermelon from the garden in the irrigation ditch which was filled with icy water. Later in the afternoon he came home for a break. Out came the watermelon and we spent time in the shade of a big tree in the front yard enjoying this sweet treat and spitting seeds across the lawn. Most days he would also bring a large burlap sack of freshly picked corn and dump it on the lawn where we would all gather to shuck the ears and Mother would cook it for our dinner that night. By the way at that time it was supper because at noon we had a huge meal (dinner) that my mother spent hours cooking for the family and the “hands” in the fields. Rarely did a week pass without our dad pulling out the ice cream freezer (the kind you had to turn the crank) and treating everyone to homemade ice cream.

I realize now that summers were really hard on Mother. Cooking on a farm for multiple people, keeping house (I helped in the summers), ironing clothes for everyone, (remember starch not in a can), and in addition we always had a big vegetable garden which led to canning and freezing. To this day, I feel guilty if I don’t grow something edible in our garden. I have six tomato plants in the alley along with the flowers.

In the evenings we often spread a big blanket on the lawn and we would lie on our backs and watch the stars. I was awestruck at the sight of the Milky Way. Okay, you have to remember that we didn’t have television or a computer at that time, but it must have made a big impression on me as I still remember those moments very vividly.

There is no doubt that summer was a much less organized time with plenty of opportunities for us to just be kids free to roam and play. We lived way out in the country until I was a freshman in high school so a social life was not in the cards for us until we moved to town.

As we got older, I remember lots of summer evenings spent with friends dragging main and sitting at the Dairy Mart both in Muleshoe and in Childress. Sadly, I also remember the hours and hours spent lying out at the pool or in the backyard slathered in tanning lotion and at times baby oil and iodine so I could get a good tan. Needless to say those of us who engaged in this practice have paid a high price for vanity. On the other hand, I also remember that on those times that Mother took us to Clovis to swim, I always got to have a Snickers bar when it was time to go home.

Even now, with retirement, summer is still something to be savored for us. We do look forward to grilling the hamburgers, steaks, chicken and veggies. Well, actually we look forward to eating! There is always the ongoing debate about whether things taste better barbequed on a charcoal grill or grilled on a propane grill. However, it doesn’t seem to matter when it is time to eat. It is so great to gather in the backyard and on the deck when it is possible to avoid flies and mosquitoes.

With all this reflection on summers past and the great things we look forward to in our backyard in the summer, it occurs to me that perhaps we have a great recipe for taking a backyard vacation. Gas prices are high and the cost of everything has skyrocketed beyond reason. Maybe we can borrow some of the things that we loved most about summer and have a spectacular time for much less. Bring out the mosquito spray, the sunscreen, and the ice cream freezer (electric please). Fire up the grill, throw on the hot dogs and invite your favorite people. Don’t forget the blanket for star gazing. Perhaps a hammock for Jim for Father’s Day is in order. Of course, it has to be big enough for Jim, me and the 3 cats.

By the time summer is a reality, I hope that the weather will be much calmer and that we have been blessed with soaking rain to perk up the lawns and the gardens. Most of all I hope that we all take the time to remember and to share the joys and the taste of summers past, today!

Take me out to the ballgame. Jordie at bat